still not tina fey

It came from FedEx just the other day: my opportunity to be Tina Fey.

It was not glasses like hers because I will admit: I already have glasses like hers—not because I bought them to imitate her but because she and I have such similar taste {we're like best friends who haven't met, but that sounds creepy and more than a little odd to base your best friendships on glasses choices}.

Nor was it a job offer to be a head writer for Saturday Night Live because 1) I've never applied for that, 2) pretty sure, having never done improv, I'm not qualified for it, and 3) I bet Lorne Michaels doesn't use FedEx for job offers.

In that FedEx envelope was an American Express card—a corporate American Express card, FedExed from my company's corporate headquarters in New Jersey.

As I ripped open the envelope, the 30 Rock theme start playing. In my head, but then I sang it so that everyone in my office knew I was having my Tina Fey moment.

Finally, I can re-enact this commercial the next time I go to the airport and run into Martin Scorsese {which, for the record, has obviously never happened because trust me, you would've heard about it by now. This corporate American Express card is going to bring so many stories into my life, I just know it}.

Another Way I Will Be Like Tina Fey: Commercial Proof


I will be able to get into the Admirals' Club! Where I will be able to discuss unique opportunities! * {See explanatory note below, in case you're wondering if I just accidentally put in an asterisk.}

This corporate American Express card, combined with my great love of hot dogs and organization/schedules—just like Tina Fey {okay, really, just like Liz Lemon}—will cement my Tina Fey-ness.

But then, at the end of the commercial {which I immediately googled after opening my FedEx envelope}, I noticed something: Tina's card didn't look quite like mine. It looked—better. More silvery. Less like a corporate card.

Next stop on the Internet: the American Express site, which expressly told me that while I'm privileged to be a cardholder {and thank you, Corporate Office, for giving me this card! I do appreciate it!}, I'm still not Tina Fey.

My card will not get me into the Admirals' Club. Or any of the other airline lounges.

If I went to a place that was called, by some bad idea of marketing, The Airline Lounge, I could use my card to pay for the food, of course, but that's not nearly the same thing as being Tina Fey.

And to that I say: BLERGH.




*Confession about the Admirals' Club: I've actually been in the Admirals' Club, several times even {not to rub it in, but did I mention that it was several times?}.

I know there aren't a whole lot of unique opportunities being discussed in there. It's mostly business-y people talking on their cell phones about mergers and stock performances and blah-blah-blah other business-speak words.

Come to think of it: Unique opportunity is a business-speak word, and whenever I hear it, I immediately judge the person using it and mentally note that their opportunity is probably either 1) run-of-the-mill, or 2) expensive and unnecessary.

But the Admirals' Club does have good snacks; I will say that. That in and of itself is a unique opportunity in an airport, unless the airport has a hot dog stand, in which case, that stand is the best unique opportunity. {See?? Just like Liz Lemon: so into food that is bad for me / potentially isn't even food.}