19 February 2013

shows I would accept as Downton Abbey spin-offs

The third season on Downton Abbey ended on Sunday and along with it a...um, major plotline. I'm trying not to be too spoiler-y.

But seriously, if you haven't seen the episode by now, I have one question for you: Do you avoid all things on the Internet until you've watched each episode? HOW DO YOU DO THAT?!?! Sorry, that was two questions.

Also, on a scale of 1 to 10 {1 being "I think it's pronounced 'Downtown'" and 10 being "I once had a dream that I lived at Downton Abbey and when I woke up, I was depressed it wasn't true. Since that time, I've spoken in a British accent."}, I would put you at a -5 if you didn't make it a priority to watch the show on Sunday when it aired, preferably surrounded by British food, as I did.

There was a beef and barley soup and bacon-cheddar scones and a charlotte russe {"It would be a pity to miss such a good pudding." I really hope you know who I'm quoting there.} and a trifle and poundcake.

But I'm getting distracted with this thought of food: what I need to talk about now, post-Series 3, are shows that I would accept as Downton Abbey spin-offs. People should start making these immediately in order to fill the void between now and next January, when Downton returns to America {months after it returns to England}.

{I've heard it said that the British won't let Downton air at the same time in America as payback for that time we beat them in the Revolutionary War. And then again in the War of 1812.}

{But I've also heard it said that PBS is dragging its feet on making Downton air closer to its British run as payback for how most of us watch PBS only during the pledge drive when they're airing Anne of Green Gables. If we all started watching NewsHour with Jim Lehrer more often, they'd give us Downton sooner.}

{I should never be trusted with rumors. Or even rumours.}

Shows I Would Accept as Downton Abbey Spin-offs

Please, someone on the Internet, start making these right away.
  1. Mr. Carson: Baby Whisperer: 30 minutes of watching Carson hold babies and talk to them like they were grown-ups.
  2. My Work Wife: Carson and Mrs. Hughes flirt over ironing and giving sideways glances to young maids and out-of-line footmen.
  3. They're Gonna Make It After All: Mrs. Hughes and Mrs. Patmore take on the world as single women in search of love at all the wrong carnival booths. At the end of the opening credits, Mrs. Patmore throws her cook's hat in the air, a la Mary Tyler Moore. Mrs. Hughes throws her massive ring of keys, but the shot freezes just before she tries to catch them, misses, and they fall on her head.
  4. The Bachelorette: Daisy: She cooks, she goes on strike, she wears hats that look like muffins—and she flirts with all the wrong boys.
  5. Monarch of the Glen: A show set in Scotland about a wealthy family living in a...Oh, that's already been made? Right.
  6. How to Polish Silver and Look Surly While You're Doing It: This show is perfect for HGTV.
  7. Slo-mo Shots of Guys Playing Cricket: Helpful for the American audience wondering what the point of cricket is. When do we yell out, "Sticky wicket!"? That is my main question.
  8. Say Yes to the Sweater Vest: Companion show to "Slo-mo Shots of Guys Playing Cricket."
  9. Hair Secrets from a Lady's Maid: O'Brien teaches you how to make your hair stylish and flattering. But the thing is, she has to do it for you. She's clearly not good at teaching someone to style their own hair. You can see that over the last three seasons, she's gotten better at doing her own hair, but no one can forget those original sideburns. If you want to be stylish, you're also going to have to put up with her soap habits. Just an FYI.
  10. Have You Ever Seen Maggie Smith in Her Younger Days? This is really more of an idea I have for an entire cable channel. It would just play movies and TV shows of Maggie Smith before she was the zinger-filled Dowager. Every program would end with, "But, for real, did you see her cheekbones? And that red hair? And those legs?" The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie would air every day at tea time. Misguided passion and scones: what more can you want?

I have more ideas, but I just wanted to throw these out to get the ball rolling—and now you can, as Mosley would awkwardly put it, start "cherishing the ball."

{I think that now, by the way, is when we yell, "Sticky wicket!"}


  1. I've only read the first two paragraphs of this so far, because I haven't seen the episode yet! I have a standing Friday Downton date with a friend, so I wait almost a week. Luckily most of my usual blogs are more about horses and less about Downton, so no danger there. I'm VERY careful about what I look at on Facebook, especially on Sunday night and Monday, and will skip over certain people's updates. Mostly I think I've stayed unspoiled this season through sheer dumb luck...

    1. Have you seen it now?!??!?!

      Also, I do admire your ability to avoid spoilers on the Interwebs...

    2. Okay, NOW I have seen it (well, as of Friday). There was a lot of shouting at the tv. I loved everything except the very end.

      Also, your list of possible spin-offs is spot on. I would watch all of those things.

  2. I think I get a 3 for knowing how it's pronounced and that Maggie Smith is a cast member. I then get knocked down to -5 because I didn't watch on Sunday (or any episode yet for that matter). I think I should get a pity point for not having my TV hooked up to anything other than my DVD player. Score: -4

    1. -4 isn't too, too bad, although seeing as you've never seen any episodes, you're probably at more like a -400.

    2. I get your point and will comply. But first a little negotiation: how about I get Netflix and watch this in May? I'm tied up with studying until then. Would this be acceptable?



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